


Of Paris and Gingerbread Men (Secret Santa 2020)

by Nyomio



Category: Final Space (Cartoon)
Genre: Also it's probably best to assume Polyspace is canon in everything I write but I didn't uh, Christmas, Even mention it here so no tag, F/M, Fluff, I POSTED IT BEFORE 2021 YEAAAAAAAAAAaa, It's all fluff, Jet is so fun to write and I hope I did it right., M/M, Merry Christmas Ghost!!, Presents, Secret Santa 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28459914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyomio/pseuds/Nyomio
Summary: Jet doesn't really get this whole Christmas thing. It just seems like a lot of chaos for nothing, in his opinion. HUE, on the other hand, is basically reveling in the chance to take a day or two and just have fun with his grandchildren - and if HUE is enjoying it, Jet will do his best to figure out this strange human tradition and make the Team Squad happy in the process... but if HUE ever tries to get him into a Santa Suit again, Jet will throw himself out the nearest window.
Relationships: AVA/HUE (Final Space), Original Character/HUE
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Of Paris and Gingerbread Men (Secret Santa 2020)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ghost (I don't know your AO3 I'm sorry)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Ghost+%28I+don%27t+know+your+AO3+I%27m+sorry%29).



“Hey, I’m back,” Jet says, walking into the bridge, half paying-attention. “Gary Zombies have been cleared out in the next planet, it looks like. We can try to refuel…” 

And that’s when Jet’s head snaps up to look at the bridge.

“What the fuck are y’all doing?” Jet says. If he had eyebrows, they would be astronomically high right now. 

The bridge of the Crimson Light is filled with a ton of strange decorations that Jet has never seen before. Lights blink all around the edge of the ceiling. There appears to be a piece of lettuce (yeah, no, that is iceberg lettuce with two red dots drawn in sharpie on it) hanging from the ceiling, and Gary is putting a star on the top of a garishly purple Christmas tree as Little Cato, Ash and Fox decorate it with small circles and more lights. In the corner, Quinn is hanging up decorations. One of them appears to say Marry Christ. Jet does not know what to make of that.

“It’s Christmas!” Little Cato exclaims, putting another circle on the tree. “Or rather, tomorrow is. Gary said today was Christmas Eve!”

“Christmas?” Jet echoes. 

“Christmas is a holiday that they once celebrated on Earth,” AVA explains. “It was initially a way to integrate Christianity with more pagan religions, but it gradually grew to become a more or less secular and very popular holiday.”

“Huh.” Jet rocks on his heels. “And we’re celebrating it why?”

“’Cause it’s fun!” Gary says, giving him a cheeky smile, finally landing the star on the top of the tree. 

“Come oooon, Jet!” Little Cato pleads, “Christmas can’t be worse than Carnivolo. I mean, Clarence isn’t here.” 

Jet mulls it over for a second, before shrugging nonchalantly. “Yeah, sure, whatever. How do we celebrate this Christmas thing?” 

“Traditionally, it is celebrated with numerous things, such as leaving cookies out for a “Santa,” singing Christmas Carols, and giving presents to those you care about,” AVA says, “Generally, the spirit of the holiday was meant to be love and charity, emulating the figurehead of the religion that formed it.”

“I am not singing,” Jet grumbles. 

“Aw, come on! Suffering through shitty Christmas Carols is like, a rite of passage. Santa Baby, just slip a sable under the tree-“ Gary started. 

Quinn whips her head around and says, “Gary, I’m going to strangle you.”

“What? That’s a Christmas Carol.”

“That is not a Christmas Carol song!” 

“I think any song about getting a very rich man who makes toys for all the masses out of the goodness of his heart deserves to be a Christmas Carol. I always wanted Santa to be my sugar daddy growing up, but he never answered my letters,” Gary says, wistfully. 

“Santa is a sugar daddy?” Fox says, cocking his head. 

“Gary, I swear to God,” Quinn says.

Jet hears whizzing, and moves his head just out of the way to see KVN storm into the room. “Ooh, Christmas? I heard Christmas carolling and I came! Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock-“

“I SWEAR TO GOD, KVN,” Gary screams.

And Jet takes this as an opportunity to leave. He doesn’t know what this shitshow is, but he doesn’t particularly want to be apart of it. Jet heads towards the mess hall, and predictably, he finds HUE there - but this time, he doesn’t seem to be making Huecakes. Mooncake is floating nearby, curiously.

“’Sup, HUE,” Jet says, flopping down in a seat. “You celebrating this Christmas thing, too?”

“Certainly. The earth tradition seems to make others happy,” HUE explains.

Jet puts his hand in his palm, staring at whatever HUE is cooking. Jet can’t really eat it, but he can appreciate HUE’s passion for it. “Are those cookies?” Jet finally asks.

“Yes. I am going to decorate gingerbread cookies with the kids later, and these are the bases,” HUE explains, peeking in the oven. 

AVA chooses this moment to chime in, adding, “If you keep opening the oven, they are going to never cook.”

“I know. I just don’t want them to burn,” HUE sighs. 

Jet continues to stare at HUE and oven, before finally saying, “So, I’m supposed to get everyone presents? I coulda used more warning.”

“Yes, well, time does not seem to function the same to non-robots in Final Space, so no one realized it was Christmas Eve until about two hours ago. I think we are doing a good job of scrambling, though.” HUE says. “Besides, you just being here with us is a pretty good gift, I’d say.”

“Uh huh,” Jet says, squinting, before looking away. 

There’s a lull in the conversation, and Jet leans back in his chair. If this is the holiday for showing people how much he loves them, he really should get them gifts. God knows he doesn’t deserve all the love they’ve shown him - especially AVA and HUE. What the fuck does he get them in 24 hours, though? And in Final Space at that?

Eventually, the alarm goes off, and HUE gives a little audible gasp, before taking out the cookies with what was probably more speed than should’ve been possible given his little body. Jet gets up and peers at them, before giving HUE a thumbs up and heading towards the ships’ exit. 

“Jet? Where are you going?” HUE asks.

“Out. I’ll be back,” Jet says, before dipping.

  
When Jet comes back with a somewhat dubious sack full of items (that were probably illegally obtained), he sees… what is probably paramount to a total icing war on the gingerbread men, and Gary inexplicably covered in chocolate chip cookie dough. The cookies look more like Picasso’s wistful and chaotic strokes of paint while he’s interpretive dancing, but it looks like everyone had fun, so… he guesses that’s what’s important?

HUE and him make eye contact, and all HUE manages to say is “at least no one pissed this time.”

“Excuse me?” Jet says.

“What?” Quinn says, eyeing Gary with her eyes narrowed. 

Gary awkwardly laughs, before flinging some of the cookie dough in her direction.

Jet turns on his heels and walks right away from that mess as the kids start to squabble about who has the best cookies. HUE was always a lot better at dealing with those kids than he is, anyways. He goes to sit in the bridge, and sits into one of the seats with a humph. He puts the sack right in front of him. How does he go about giving people gifts on Christmas?

He closes his mechanical eyes for a moment, soaking in the silence, when he hears footsteps head his way. He turns his head to see Little Cato, dripping with frosting, practically bouncing towards him with his hands hidden behind his back. “Uh, hey, Jet!”

“Hey kid. Seriously, how do you manage to get frosting on the top of your mohawk?”

“Ash.”

“Ah.”

“Anyways,” Little Cato says, putting his hands in front of him and showing off a cookie that is… vaguely Jet shaped. He can tell it’s supposed to be him by the glasses, but boy oh boy it looks like a drunk rat made it. “I made cookies of the whole Team Squad. I hope you like it!”

Jet bites down a snarky comment in favor of a, “Thank you. The glasses are spot on.”

Little Cato smiles, before eyeing the sack. “What’s in the sack?”

AVA interrupts, “Little Cato, I believe Ash might be grafitti’ing your cookies.”

“What? Ash!” He says, scrambling away, Jet forgotten.

Jet looks at the door where Little Cato left from, and says, “Thanks, AVA.”

“No problem. You could repay me by telling me what you got me?” She teases.

“Ha ha. You and HUE didn’t get anything in this sack. You’ll have to see tomorrow,” Jet says, “Now, how am I supposed to gift this bullshit?”

“I would recommend wrapping it with the paper by the tree that Avocato ‘did not shred’ when Quinn threw an ornament at him for accidentally wrapping something in a phalic shape.”

Jet blinks unbelieving, and then looks up at the ceiling. “AVA, what the fuck is wrong with the Team Squad?”

“I wish I could tell you the answer to that,” AVA says as Jet grabs the wrapping paper and tape. “I would probably not-“

“Wrap them in the bridge, I got it. I’ll go into HUE’s closet and suffer, of course.”

“Or you could go literally anywhere else I could lock the door for you,” AVA snips.

“No. Fuck you. I’m gonna wrap them in HUE’s closet, and I’m gonna make it work.”

“Okay,” If AVA had a body, she would be rolling her eyes right now. “Good luck, asshole.”

  
Jet doesn’t know why he wasn’t expecting HUE to walk into his closet while he was in there, but somehow Jet was still surprised when HUE walked in on him with his presents wrapped in shredded and mutilated wrapping paper. 

HUE stares, and Jet almost feels like HUE is giving him the Disappointed Dad Stare. “What? I did my best,” Jet huffs.

“You… sure did something,” HUE says, “At least nothing is dick shaped this time.”

“That one was supposed to be,” Jet grumbles, pointing at Avocato’s gift. HUE gives a good few blinks, before sighing.

“Sure. Okay.”

“Shut the fuck up, HUE. I can feel you judging me from here.”

“Absolutely not. I don’t know why you would think that. I would never judge you.”

Jet playfully shoves HUE, before motioning to the presents. “What do I do with these now?” 

“Well, you could play the part of Santa. I know Little Cato saw you with the gifts, but it’d still be fun,” HUE says. “And he doesn’t exactly know they were gifts…”

“Santa?”

AVA chimes in, “A, and I’m quoting here, ‘Jolly old man who lives on the north pole of earth who delivers gifts to all the nice boys and girls around the world.’” 

“No. I am not doing that.”

“Come on, the kids would really love it!”

“Fuck you. I’m not doing that.”

……..

Jet cannot believe he’s doing this. HUE and AVA would not stop making fun of him while they dressed him up in this garish outfit. He hates this. He hates this a lot. 

He takes his sack and heads towards the bridge, it draped over his shoulders. Jet is nearly there when he runs face first into Gary, also dressed as Santa, and also with a sack full of presents over his shoulder. There’s a moment of stunned disbelief shared between them, before Gary lets out a strangled giggle.

“Two Santas this year!!”

“Fuck you. HUE talked me into this.”

“Oh my God. Oh my God-“

“Gary, you have two seconds to shut the fuck up before I punt you in the shins.”

He does not shut up, so Jet promptly drops the sack and says, “You’re Santa, then. Congrats, twink,” and storms away. 

“Jet, wait, no, I wasn’t laughing at you-“ Gary says, but Jet is already well gone. He goes into the back of the ship, slams a door, and sighs, ripping off the Santa outfit.

“I’m gonna kill HUE,” Jet says, eyes narrowed.

And who to show up now but the bitchiest bitch of all bitchdom, eyeing him down, Sheryl. The first things out of her mouth are, “I don’t think you pull Santa off well, quite frankly.”

“Thanks! I hadn’t noticed,” Jet says, his voice wavering, “A ‘jolly good man’ who gives presents to all the kids? That kind of charity? Give me a fuckin’ break. That’s not me.”

“No, it’s not,” Sheryl says, leaning on the back of the wall, “My son is that kind of friendly, but you? Not a chance in hell. But that’s alright, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“We ain’t all gotta pretend to be jolly and happy for Christmas, y’know. It’s alright to celebrate it in whatever way makes the day a little less shitty. And if that means doing it from the sidelines? I don’t think you got anythin’ to be ashamed of,” Sheryl rattles off. “You ain’t gotta be in the spotlight to make people happy.”

Jet mulls that over for a moment, before saying, “I suppose. I just feel like these kids and HUE and AVA deserve better than-“

“Jet, shut the fuck up,” AVA interrupts, “It was cute that you tried. We appreciate it, but if it made you too uncomfortable, it’s alright. We can still celebrate. Besides, all the kids just stormed in on Gary and have pounced on him. It is an entire situation that I think is hilarious.”

Sheryl grins, saying, “See? Y’ain’t gotta worry if you’re not front and center. They’re just happy you’re around. Little Cato even made us cookies.”

He grabs the back of his neck, before sighing and looking up at Sheryl, smiling. “Aight, I guess. Thanks, you two.”

“No problem. Now, I think our Christmas Day celebration just turned into some weird midnight-ish party considering the kids are not going to sleep after this, if you would like to see them open your gift.”

Jet nods, starting to head back towards the bridge, before turning back to look at Sheryl. “You comin’?” Jet asks.

“Yeah, gimme a minute,” Sheryl waves him off, “You can head there without me.”

Jet raises an invisible eyebrow, but heads towards the bridge anyways, Santa gear stripped and forgotten in the back. He walks in to find… what is essentially now an entire party as everyone furiously unwraps their presents. Avocato has a new gun. Why is Avocato pointing the gun at a mirror? Wh-

Know what? He doesn’t expect anything more than the chaos of this. Everyone is shredding their gifts, and marvelling at the things people managed to find or make. He sees the kids with the gifts he managed to snag, and he smiles. They look happy.

He’s about to head out when HUE walks up to him with a gift. “It’s not much,” HUE says, “But it’s from the Team Squad.” HUE then leans in, “But especially me.”

Jet gasps quietly, before snagging the gift. “Oh, uh, thank you.” He rips it open carefully, gingerly - it was a lot better wrapped than his gift, for sure. When he opens it, he finds a brand new jacket - red, shimmering and slick as fuck. 

“Little Cato noticed yours was kind of torn from the last Garombie battle, and… we managed to find this while we were looking. I hope you like it.”

Without words, Jet slides off the jacket he’s wearing, and slides on the brand new one. It fits like a glove - and it’s aesthetic as fuck. He can’t manage to stumble out more than a “I love it.” He really doesn’t deserve this or them.

He turns away to compose himself for a moment, before saying, “Well, HUE, AVA, if you’re done opening your other gifts, I’d love to show you mine to you.”

“Ah, yes. I really have been opening plenty of gifts,” Her disembodied voice echoes.

“Shut up. Well, HUE, follow me to the virtualasium real quick,” He says, motioning for HUE to follow him.

“What?” HUE now sounds confused, but obediently follows as Jet and him slink away from the party for a moment. They head down the ship towards the virtualisium, and Jet attatches it.

“Can you two transfer to your android forms in the virtualasium?” Jet asks, rubbing his hands together - and just like magic, in front of him, is his best friend and boyfriend. Grinning, he fires the baby up - and in 3D, beautifully realistic, is Paris. The Eiffel Tower is in the distance, but not quite close enough to reach - and in front of them is a motorcycle. HUE audibly gasps.

“AVA, would you like to drive us there? I thought you would like the motorcycle.”

HUE eyes the motorcycle carefully, but AVA jumps on without a second thought. “I’ve always wanted to cause chaos in the streets with a motor vehicle. Get on, you two!”

And with HUE sandwiched in the middle, that’s exactly what they do. AVA screeches as she causes various traffic incidents and accidents as she goes balls to the walls driving. Jet cheers her on. HUE screams a lot. 

Finally, finally, she spins out in front of the Eiffel Tower. Almost like clockwork, it becomes night, and the Eiffel Tower is lit up in Christmas colors. 

“I don’t understand. The Virtualasium is meant to be used to relive memories. How did you…” HUE says, baffled.

“Anything’s possible with a little bit of magic, HUE,” Jet says, “And also an obscene amount of tinkering. I know it’s probably not the same as the real thing, but-“

“I love it,” He whispers as fireworks begin to light off. “Thank you, Jet.”

“And thank you for letting me cause mayhem,” AVA winks. HUE grabs both of his partner’s hands as he stares up, wowed, at the fireworks display. There’s a moment of silence, until both Jet and AVA lean in to kiss HUE at the same time. HUE lets out a cute squeal as he hugs both of his partners at once, and then his hands reach down to hold their hands.

Christmas in the Team Squad may have been a shitshow, but if this is what it was leading up to, it was all worth it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas, Ghost!! I'm sorry this is so late - my brain has been consumed by Stardew Valley, and also I... this got away from me a bit. I wanted to write more, but I also want to GET THIS OUT BEFORE 2021 LMAOOO so, here we are!! I know this isn't exactly what you asked for, but also I really like Jet and wanted to try writing him. I hope I didn't mess it up too bad!! I know he's probably ordinarily a bit more on the snarky side, but it's CHRISTMAS!!!!
> 
> If you're wondering what Jet got the kids, Imma be level - I didn't think that far. Imagination. 
> 
> Anyways, Merry Christmas and I hope you enjoy this!!


End file.
